


Birdhouses and Beehouses

by UnfortunatelyObsessed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actual Crack, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Dean And Cas Are Kids, F/M, Gen, M/M, The Talk, adorableness, is how babies are made, the birds and the bees, who think a kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22902205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelyObsessed/pseuds/UnfortunatelyObsessed
Summary: John smiled at Mary, understanding in his loving eyes. "I know. But like I said, babe..." he kissed her lips gently, "there's nothing I can't handle."A little throat cleared behind him, and they turned to see Dean standing there, head held high, hand in hand with Castiel. "Cas is pregnant," he announced."What."ORThe One Where Kids Think A Kiss Is How You Get Babies
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, John Winchester/Mary Winchester
Comments: 61
Kudos: 277
Collections: Demon Void Army - Family Album





	Birdhouses and Beehouses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itricky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itricky/gifts).



> Special thanks to itricky1 for the prompt!!!

John yawned, long and wide. He had been at work all night thanks to a power outage in the factory. He was just getting home now, at almost five in the friggin' morning.

Mary was even waking up as he was angling to sleep. She stood in their bedroom doorway with her nightgown wrapped tight around her, frowning. "Is everything okay?" she asked quietly.

He gave her a wry smile. "Just a power outage. Nothing I couldn't handle."

She took quiet, barefoot steps over to him, draping her arms lovingly around his shoulders. "They need to let someone else take over sometimes. You're running yourself ragged."

He pressed his forehead against hers, worry lines smoothing at the soft touch. "I'll do whatever it takes to support my family."

"I know," she whispered back, "but it just seems too much. You shouldn't have to do this."

John smiled at Mary, understanding in his loving eyes. "I know. But like I said, babe..." he kissed her lips gently, "there's nothing I can't handle."

A little throat cleared behind him, and they turned to see Dean standing there, head held high, hand in hand with Castiel. "Cas is pregnant," he announced.

"What."

"Cas is pregnant," Dean repeated, bottom jaw jutted out defiantly. "But it's okay because I'm gonna fix up the tree house so we have a place to live."

John looked at them both exasperated. "You're _nine._ You can't even—" he cut himself off. "There's no way Cas is pregnant. I promise."

Castiel, for his part, had his bottom lip wobbling as he stared determinedly at the floor. "It's true," Cas wailed.

Dean patted his hand before addressing his parents again. "I'm gonna drop out of school and go work with Uncle Bobby so I can support us."

There was a snort behind John, and he turned to see Mary covering her smile with her hand. Their eyes met, and she shook her head, grinning. "How did you get Cas pregnant then, Huggy Bear?" she asked Dean, schooling her face.

Dean looked at his feet, feeling somewhat ashamed. "We kissed," he mumbled.

She swallowed her laugh as she looked at John. "They kissed," she repeated seriously.

John turned to stare once more at the two kids before him, Dean looking serious and defiant, and Cas looking like he would crumble at a single word. "Oh, no..." John said, feeling the amusement rise up in him. "You two _kissed?!"_

Mary hit him in the arm as both Cas and Dean seemed to shrink in on themselves.

"It was dumb," Dean said quietly. "We're sorry..."

"Mary," John said, his tone lowered and scandalous, "they _kissed."_

"John Winchester!" she chided, though the effect was lost with her giggles.

"Dean," he said, crouching to be on his level. "How are you going to fix the tree house? You can't even use a power drill yet!"

Dean paled. "Oh no. What am I gonna do?"

Mary shoved a giggling John out of the way good-naturedly. "John, go see if the Novaks are awake yet."

Cas finally stared up at them, eyes wide. "Wait!" he called out. "They don't know yet!"

John hid his grin. "Well buddy, you're gonna have to tell them sometime. This is a big thing."

"Stop harassing them," Mary said, laughing. "Cas, you're not pregnant. But I think we all need to have a talk."

"I am pregnant!" Cas said, a spark of fire in his eyes. "I know I am! We kissed and now I'm pregnant!"

Mary couldn't help her snort. "Cas," she said softly, "have you even presented yet?"

His eyes were blank. "Have I what?"

There was a bark of laughter from the kitchen, where John was calling up Castiel's parents.

"Look," Mary began, taking each of the boys' hands in her own. "There's a special talk that parents have to have with their little pups when they're about this age. It's about birds and bees."

Castiel's eyes lit up. "I like bees!"

Dean looked over to him. "You can have a bee house when I save up enough money from my job."

Cas smiled softly. "Thank you, Dean."

Mary stood up suddenly and turned around, marching into the kitchen. "Oh my god, they're so fuckin' cute I can't breathe," she said in one breath, staring at the ceiling.

John grinned at her, putting the phone receiver away. "The Novaks know we're on our way."

She laughed, finally looking down to meet John's gaze, eyes sparkling. "If you need sleep, I can handle this."

"What, and miss all the adorableness? No way. But..." he looked down the hall. "What are we gonna do about Sammy?"

"We can drop him off at Bobby's along the way. You go get him and I'll round up the lovebirds."

"Maybe _I_ wanted to round up the lovebirds," John drawled.

"No, _you_ want to keep messing with them."

He grinned so wide that Mary couldn't help but laugh. "You see right through me," he finally agreed, heading down the hall to Sam's room.

He opened the door slowly, peeking in. "Sammy," he called out softly.

Sam was sitting on the edge of his bed, swinging his legs wildly. "What's goin' on?" he asked.

John saw the opportunity and took it. "Your brother is having a baby," he deadpanned.

* * *

Gabriel yawned as he stumbled across the house, shoving at his dad. "Dad," he said.

Chuck cursed and pulled the blankets over his head.

"DAD."

"What," Chuck grumbled from beneath the comfort pile.

"The Winchesters are coming over."

Chuck made a whining noise. "Why?" he asked. "They don't _like_ me!"

Gabe yanked the covers off of him. "They do too. You're just a whiny bitch baby."

"Hey!" Chuck sat up quickly, grabbing for the covers. "I _am_ your father and you _will_ show me respect!"

Gabriel raised one eyebrow at the messy room, the leftover food on the bed, and the seldom-used shower. "Uh-huh. Sure." He dropped the blankets on the floor. "Anyway, apparently Cassie thinks he's pregnant because Dean kissed him so we've got to have the Talk."

Chuck hid his face and groaned. "God no."

"Do you even know how to give the talk? Because you know, I never got it. I had to read porn books in the back of the library. I think Anna thought betas were just what you called female alphas for like, half her life." He squinted at his dad. "Do you even know this stuff?"

"Yes I know this stuff! I just don't fancy having to talk with my children about it!"

"Right well, you have to now. Otherwise Cassie's gonna get attached to a baby that doesn't even exist." Gabe paused in thought. "Ten bucks says he's already named it."

Chuck grumbled. "Not taking that bet because I know you're right." He stretched his arms out. "Ugh. Can't you do it for me?"

"I'm not giving Cassie the talk."

"Well, I'm not either."

Gabe threw out his hands in exasperation. "Then let the Winchesters do it!"

"No! That's just one step closer to them stealing Castiel from me!"

"They're not trying to steal your children!" Gabe said, enunciating every word. "They're _good people."_

"Look. If you go give the talk to Castiel, I'll— I don't know, get you that guitar you've been wanting."

Gabe narrowed his eyes. "The electric one with the cotton candy clouds on it?"

"Yes! Sure! Whatever! Just let me sleep!"

Gabriel gritted his teeth for a moment. "Fine. Deal." He tossed the blankets back onto the bed. "Build up your writing energy. I'll take care of your kids. _Again."_

Chuck sighed, burying his face in his pillow. "Hey, Gabriel?"

Gabe stopped at the doorway. "Yes, your highness?"

He turned to look at him, eyes full of sincerity. "Thank you. I love you."

Gabriel sighed in resignation. "Yeah. I know. I love you, too." He cleared his throat. "Now go to sleep you fucking nerd."

* * *

The door swung open on John's first knock.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at them, leaning against the door frame, shirt half-unbuttoned. "Hey," he said.

"Um, hello. Is Chuck here?"

Gabe stared a moment. "No." He looked down at Castiel, easily picking out the worry in his eyes. "Hey, Cassiopeia."

Castiel ran out from the crowd of Winchesters to hug Gabriel's stomach. "I'm sorry!" he wailed. "Is Dad mad at me?"

Gabriel leaned down and hauled Castiel up, carrying him easily. "No, he's not mad at all. But we've got some stuff we gotta talk about."

John's eyes were sharp as he examined Gabriel. "So Chuck isn't...?"

Gabe sighed. "No. He's not. I am."

John's gaze was indeterminable for a moment before he clapped Gabriel gently on the shoulder. "Okay. Then let's do this."

They all crowded into the little kitchen, Dean and Castiel sharing a chair.

Gabriel ran a hand through his hair, looking to Mary. "So..." he poked Castiel's head lightly. "You're not pregnant."

"I am," Cas rebutted.

"You're not. You can't get pregnant by kissing."

Dean and Castiel looked to each other in shock. "You sure?" Dean asked slowly.

"I'm sure. Right, John?" Gabe looked lazily to John.

"He's right, buddy. Plus, neither of you have even presented yet so it's not possible anyway."

Castiel furrowed his brow. "Presented?"

Suddenly, Gabriel realized why his father didn't want to do this. The awkwardness washed over him like a damn tidal wave. "Yeah, you know like, alpha or omega." He looked to the Winchesters for help.

For their part, both John and Mary looked just as mortified as Gabriel felt.

Dean looked between them all, sensing something was up. "What's an omega?" he asked suspiciously.

"It means you get pregnant and grow boobs," Gabriel blurted, earning himself a death-glare from John.

Castiel squinted at Mary. "Are _you_ an omega?"

Mary choked. "I'm a beta," she blurted.

"Where did _beta_ come from?" Dean demanded. "All you said was alpha and omega!"

"How do you know which you are?" Castiel asked, significantly calmer than Dean now that he knew he wasn't pregnant.

"Well, when you get a certain age, you just kinda... are," Gabriel trailed off. "You just _know."_

"So only betas can get pregnant?" Dean asked.

"What's the other differences?" Castiel blurted.

"How _do_ you get pregnant?"

"How old do you have to be?"

"Can you tell just by looking at someone?"

"Does _everyone_ know about this?"

Castiel and Dean asked question after question as Gabriel stared deer-in-the-headlights at John and Mary, who stared right back.

"Fuck," Gabriel mouthed at them.

Castiel's eyes went wide. "What's _fuck?"_

Gabriel pointed to John. "That's a great question for him!"

John's face went pale. "No no no! Castiel asked, so obviously _you_ should answer!"

Dean squinted at them. "What's fuck?"

Gabe winced. "You're too young to know!"

Mary gestured frantically. "We're literally giving them the talk!"

"Fuck!"

"What's _**fuck?!"**_ Cas and Dean yelled together.

There was the sound of plastic hitting the table, and everyone looked down to see a worn-out VHS that read _Your Body and You: Birds and Bees._

Chuck shrugged, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. "Amara gave this to me so maybe this all would be easier. Kinda forgot about it until a few minutes ago."

Mary snatched it up and paraded the children into the living room as Gabriel and John breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks, Dad," Gabriel said, leaning his head back. "That was awful."

"Yeah, thanks, Chuck," John said, standing up and holding out his hand.

Chuck squinted at John. "Don't steal my fucking kids," he grumbled before stamping back down the hall.

John blinked. "What the fuck."

"He gets like that," Gabe responded, brushing it off and wrapping an arm around John's shoulders. "Thanks for bringing them over. I think we did alright."

"We did horribly."

"They got the idea."

"They're literally more confused than they were when we started."

Gabriel groaned. "Winchester I am _trying_ here."

John shook his head, laughing. "Alright, yeah. For our first try, we did alright."

There was a chorus of "GROSS" from the living room, and Gabriel laughed. "Yeah, but not as good as that video is gonna do."

"They're gonna be traumatized."

Gabriel clapped. "Who wants hot dogs?!" he yelled out.

He couldn't hear their horrified responses over the sound of John and Mary's laughter.


End file.
